Pointless Meaningless Long Post

Thing that no one tells you when you graduate is that this time nothing is certain. Graduation doesn’t owe you brilliant job and stable income. You don’t know will you ever going to get your first job or the better one later. You don’t know when you’re going to meet the man your mom always asks to bring home. You don’t know will you ever going to make enough money. You don’t know are you going to ever ‘make it’ whatever it means.

A year ago I wrote about my graduation and how grateful I am with the job I (still) have. I thought at some point that I’m in the right track in doing what I want to do, be the person I want to be. I thought I’m just going to do my job on my way to that place I really want. But the fact that I failed miserably on every chance I get to the path I really want and suddenly it’s a year later and I’m still doing the same job and not sure anymore. I hate uncertainty so much and I want to give up.

One crappy night when i just got back from work, I looked at my bedroom wall where I put a quote, “Too young to surrender” that I wrote last year, too (I have the tendency to forget motivational words I wrote myself, so useless anyway I know) and pffft-ing myself. Maybe yes, it is still too young to surrender cause it’s only been a year. Maybe there’s still time or may be not. Maybe this is just another phase where I doubt every of my decision. One thing I realized that I’m not the kind of person who get to the place I want easily but eventually all the mistake I made at some point will lead me to better things. I hope so.

2013 wasn’t so bad after all. Even though most of the time what I did is telling myself to worry about only one step at a time (cause that’s a fine possibility that I get crazy now and then), good things like had my (poorly written) article posted on Thought Catalog, went to new places solo (in which so liberating), more mature family bonding and many many others happened. I also gained the ability to have meaningful crush on someone without really hoping. Yes, sometimes I wish he doesn’t have a girlfriend but screw, I’m content enough with our moments.

So far, 2014 started with flood everywhere in my city. I started with 4 days traveling solo to 3 amazing cities aaand… a little disagreement with a friend. You know, fact is most of the time people don’t think about what you think they’re thinking about you cause simply, who cares? Most of the time what you assume as what people think about you is only how YOU perceive who you are. Also most of the time people forget and not thinking about your problem cause simply they are also a human living their life and already got pile of shit to figure out. So stress out about what you assume as people opinions towards you is simply irrelevant and demand people to remember your problems cause you think that’s a thing people should do is just selfish. Don’t apologize for who you are as well as you don’t ask people to do that.

Anyway, I start to enjoy the changes happened and will happen in my life. People come and go. There will come times when people come to us on a rainy day and leave as happiness arise. That might be a little hurt when they declare that they don’t need us anymore. I don’t know why and how, but the only explanation, for me, is as Ram Dass put it best, “We’re all just walking each other home”. Maybe they found home already.

One last thing, this morning I figure out that I’m just going to equally hate people in my city who avoid to take public transportation just because they think it’s inconvenience (of course, this is a third world country, you guys) and choose to drive their cars (alone and not car pooling). You know what else inconvenience? It’s waking up early and stuck at 3 hours traffic and arrive late to the office every day. Ha.


Currently #2

WORKING ON: Stay positive. I guess the hardest part of being 20-something is seeing the positive side on every bad thing happened to you. Life is hard after graduate college. The fact that now we have to be responsible for ourselves and realize that parents growing old are so scared we always want to run. But there’s no place to hide, right? Worrying too much about future only pressured me then affects my health condition and I seriously have no budget for hospital. Lol. Moreover, I always believe that the basic cycle of nature is bad-good-bad-good-bad-good-etc. Be strong!

THINKING ABOUT: How to synchronize what I want and what my parents want. I know that all my parents want for me is to see me have a good life. As long as they can, they will always want to provide me with comforts. I love them for that. But all the easiness they want to give is not what I want. The job they offer me and their vision is not something I want to do, at least now. Not because I’m such an ungrateful child but I believe that the only work I should do is something creative, something that gives me fulfillment. I hope they eventually understand.

READING: Presiden Guyonan – Butet Kertaradjasa. This is the first time I read his writing. Butet is one of legendary comedians in Indonesia. Reading his writing, so far, I feel like seeing him live, so witty.

LISTENING TO: Sara Bareilles – The Blessed unrest and Frau – Happy Coda. Geniuses, ’nuff said.

EATING: Recently I checked my blood pressure and it’s 90/60 . I feel like eating everything right now.

THANKFUL FOR: Every little thing that gives me smile on a daily basis. Apparently when you start being positive and grateful, there is plenty of it, so thank God.

PLANNING TO: Finish my individual project and setting up new blog for my fiction writing. You know I write it in here just to challenge myself to be serious.

ROMANCE: Lately, I’ve been receiving A LOT of romantic advice from my friends which giving me broader view about what I need from a partner. While September marked the rainy season in here, it’s the start of autumn in America; the season of new beginning for Tom Hansen.


WORKING ON: Getting myself up in the morning and do some exercise. Yes. I really need to work on that.

THINKING ABOUT: I know mostly we disappointed by the expectation we put on others, but sometimes it’s really hard not to put an expectation into anything. You know society has this structure that make first born or the son in a family a breadwinner once their parents retired and it’s hard for me to accept that mine can’t. I don’t ask them to be a breadwinner; I just want them to carry the responsibility life gives them. Somehow it’s ironically funny to be the last born and accomplished things first and still can make the first born do better. I love my siblings exceptionally, but the way they do life kind of make me sad and worried. There, I think I just need to say it.

READING: I’m halfway to finish The Help by Kathryn Stockett. It’s such a great book. Also, since I start working, I have to leave in the morning and back home at night, ergo I only have little time to read daily newspaper but I’m trying though.

LISTENING TO: Ke$ha, or as my friend said, Kedolarha. LOL. Her new song makes me dance in the morning. LOL.

EATING: Recently doctor told me that my body lack of fruits and veggies. So from that moment I try to eat healthy food everyday and give my body the nutrients she needs. It’s not that I stop eat junk food or anything, I just add more fruit/veggies everyday in what I eat. I think you should too.

THANKFUL FOR: What I have now. Last year I graduate and now I work as a copywriter for a design company. The job I have is something outside my expectation, but it makes me realize, maybe sometimes we have to do things that we never plan. Copywriting is a new challenge to me because it really different from what I do in college, plus I get to learn so many things in advertising industry. What I have to thankful the most is I meet a lot of new amazing people. I’m glad to say that I’m happy with my life.

PLANNING TO: Travel solo. Yes! Last year I plan to go on some trips with my friends but I can only make one trip. So this year I think I’m going to do it solo. I don’t know why I am now so reluctant to asked and persuade my friends to accompany me. And maybe I need to go with myself, meet new people and do new things. Get lost and find myself.

ROMANCE: Have no particular plan with this one. I just go on with whatever happen, I guess. A dear friend once said, what I really need is a person that try from the very beginning and not give up. Agree. There I write it.

Anne’s Conclusion on Marriage, Love and the crap, I don’t know what I wrote

So days ago I told my mom that I’m gonna be married in my 30s, she’s like, WHAAAT?! And told me the disadvantages of being married after 20s and I was like, pffft…

Well, I always think marriage is a usual thing happens to people. But weirdly, once you become 20, it becomes some kind of pressure by the society and several parents. well, at least in my society and parents. My question is; what is the right reason for someone to get married? Is it for the sake of your parent’s demand, society pressure or your own will to do it? What it takes for someone to be sure that she/he found the one person to live with, bear monsters and die eventually? How those avoid boredom of each other?

Young Queen Victoria thought marriage should be a treat to a girl. My sister once said that being married to someone is not only so you can bear children but also to find a friend for life. I recall my lecturer said love ends when marriage begins. Well, does a successful marriage always begin with love?

I heard so many definitions about it in songs, movies, poems and somehow those make the word ‘love’ sounds overrated. Either it’s too cliché or too miserable, only a few make sense to me. Sometimes I thought love nowadays is just a product you sell on Valentine day. You have to agree that most of bestselling novels, songs, movies etc are related to love. *What? Yes, I like love songs and romantic novels, they help me dramatize my life.* Love produces money. Plus, I often find people said they love this and that then get too excited about it, but months later they just doing the same pattern I easily read.

The love I know, maybe, is a feeling that keeps you coming back. It stays. It grows bigger as the time goes. Like I love my family. You may say that you love your parents the moment you were born but I need a process to love them this much *hug the universe*. A long process that now leaves me at the point that no matter how much I loathe them, I end up want to make them happy.

Ugh. Words often make everything more dangkal. Well, people can have their own definition about love. Whatever.

You know one of the reasons I hate become an adult is there are so many things to think about. Life suddenly is not as easy as choosing what kind of candy I want to eat today.

So my conclusion is, blah, I’ don’t know, I’M TOO YOUNG TO THINK ABOUT THIS. These just several things crossed my mind and thought I should write it. Enjoy the crap. Bye.

Life starts here (?)

July 25, 2012.

I finished my 4 years academic study in English Literature.

I could blab all day about how happy I am and how proud I am of myself. Yeah. I’m that narcissistic. But sound in my head told me that this is not just about happiness. Start from that day, a door to a new phase of life waits to be open.

I used to thought about adult life as something far away, not ever gonna be mine. In fact, we’re not young forever.

I always know what I want, who I am and what I need. But I live with people, people I love and responsibilities related to them. I want to be happy and I want them to be happy too. Oh, as if life is simply about work hard, play hard and pleased only myself.

Well. *sigh*

Maybe I just engage in too many conversations about adult life. Maybe I just over think everything. Maybe all I need is learn how to fly. High. I’m just 22 for God’s sake.


Since yesterday was my birth day, I think it’s alright to write a quite wise post (well, if you want say so). Not that both have a relation.


Recently I found one word that pretty much makes my life easier, it’s “Acceptance”. You can look up on the dictionary for its accurate meaning. If you ask me, I would say, acceptance means on some point of your life you must know and realize that many things are beyond your control, you can’t always capable of dealing with a situation that grow out to be what you don’t want but you don’t regret, you’re not looking back. It’s hard at first, of course you’re gonna be upset or sad or feel those kind of feelings, but you learn to agree with what happened, then find a joy out of it.

Speak now

Life’s full of surprises.

By writing this doesn’t mean that I’m a pro because every day I’m learning. I hope you all too and be happy. x